Other’s Grief

We were in Georgia ” babysitting” for our daughter and son-in-law’s three beautiful children, 14, 13, and 11. Please don’t tell Sam (14 year old) that I said he was beautiful! They are amazing young people who are bright, kind, active, and helpful. Homeschooling is a real plus! The youngest is severely autistic. When I watched all Sam and Abby did with and for him, I realized what a great relationship siblings have.

This past week one of our dear members lost her grandson. Needless to say I got another glimpse at the grandparent/grandchild connection. There is nothing quite like it. She was devastated by his death: he had given her back her life when her husband died. She was totally beside herself.

I’m afraid sometimes we tend to forget just how difficult it is for others when our child dies. We tend to think we are alone in this horrid grief – not so.

Siblings lose a friend, a partner, a loved one who has shared so much with them. They will have an abundance of stories about things they have shared, and undoubtedly nobody has ever heard many of them. Their heartache tends to be pushed aside, or even worse, ignored. All we ever wanted was for these kids to love and enjoy each other, and yet in death we may ignore it.

Grandparents are not the parents – they are like angels. No matter what their grandchild does they accept him or her with love. I can still remember my own gramma when my cousin and I played in the horse manure during a rain… simply telling us to clean up. Wow!! She wasn’t mad at all. I have heard stories from our children about their grandparents that were similar. Our son, Matthew, visited his grandma one year in St. Joseph, Missouri, where he spent two long hours riding in the elevator from floor one to four. He was the elevator operator, she was his rider. Gramma just smiled as they went up and down, over and over!

The child or children we have lost have left a hole in many hearts – not just ours. Sisters and brothers cry over the loss, possibly trying to be strong for us. Grandparents cry over the loss, and ache for their own grieving child. We are all together on this empty, aching journey.

I know we have lost so much, and it hurts. But grief is like a stone thrown into the water. The ripples spread out and the calm water is disturbed. We need to realize that our wonderful child was loved and cared for by many…….and they also grieve.

Mary