When I heard that my heart was touched forever, in a good way. What a perfect time to hear that, year number eleven with Mandy gone. My beautiful butterfly.

I remember how we used to approach February Fifth… with great sadness, possibly anger, and totally lost. The first couple of years we made plans for the day, so we were prepared for the heartache. As time passed, we tried other approaches. To be honest not much really worked.

After about five years we started to look at everything a little differently. We still felt apprehensive as the day approached, but a little less lost. We did learn that the time leading up to February Fifth was far worse than the actual day. That helped our pain to ease a little – which was really great.

Eight years after our beautiful butterfly left us we were given the opportunity to raise Addison our granddaughter. She had been through so very much; mother dying, father losing jobs due to substance related issues, and finally having to be her own parent.

She came to live with us and gained back self-confidence. I thank her grief group and Taekwondo for that. I also believe her mother was with her every single minute. Thankfully, her father is recovered and now able to continue raising our beautiful granddaughter.

I believe Amanda was right there all of the time helping him through his emptiness and loss.

I have learned so very much from Amanda. She suffered through a very difficult end of life, but peaceful death. She approached the end of her life in a way that provided peace to all of those around her. She very rarely thought of herself; most often of those she loved. I thank her for opening my eyes—it took a while!!

After eleven years I realize she has never left me, us. She has guided me through so many situations, and truly opened my eyes to what life is and becomes. I believe Amanda had a purpose on this earth, with her death being part of that journey. I don’t understand. Possibly never will while I’m still here. But I do know that my precious butterfly is with me and has guided me along my way on my journey.

Thank you, my beautiful Amanda!