Without Change, There Would Be No Butterflies
2020
Jan-Feb
“Without Change, There Would Be No Butterflies”
When I heard that my heart was touched forever, in a good way. What a perfect time to hear that, year number eleven with Mandy gone. My beautiful butterfly.
I remember how we used to approach February Fifth… with great sadness, possibly anger, and totally lost. The first couple of years we made plans for the day, so we were prepared for the heartache. As time passed, we tried other approaches. To be honest not much really worked.
After about five years we started to look at everything a little differently. We still felt apprehensive as the day approached, but a little less lost. We did learn that the time leading up to February Fifth was far worse than the actual day. That helped our pain to ease a little – which was really great.
Eight years after our beautiful butterfly left us we were given the opportunity to raise Addison our granddaughter. She had been through so very much; mother dying, father losing jobs due to substance related issues, and finally having to be her own parent.
“I believe Amanda was right there all of the time helping him through his emptiness and loss.”
She came to live with us and gained back self-confidence. I thank her grief group and Taekwondo for that. I also believe her mother was with her every single minute. Thankfully, her father is recovered and now able to continue raising our beautiful granddaughter.
I believe Amanda was right there all of the time helping him through his emptiness and loss.
I have learned so very much from Amanda. She suffered through a very difficult end of life, but peaceful death. She approached the end of her life in a way that provided peace to all of those around her. She very rarely thought of herself; most often of those she loved. I thank her for opening my eyes—it took a while!!
After eleven years I realize she has never left me, us. She has guided me through so many situations, and truly opened my eyes to what life is and becomes. I believe Amanda had a purpose on this earth, with her death being part of that journey. I don’t understand. Possibly never will while I’m still here. But I do know that my precious butterfly is with me and has guided me along my way on my journey.
Thank you, my beautiful Amanda 
Mary
New Normal
Ten years ago, three months after our daughter Amanda died, Bob’s cousin and wife lost their son Eric. I was driving home from Melbourne when Bob called me. He was devastated. Hard to believe that a cousin he grew up with was now starting this journey with us. Although our friendship with Gary and Peggy was always “good” we would now be connected in a way we had never anticipated nor wanted.
Spring is Coming ~ Thank you Steven Curtis Chapman
Flowers, trees filling in with new leaves, great smells—love all of it! The new life it symbolizes is refreshing and renewing. Nothing ever stays the same. ❤ Nothing ever stays the same.
That kind of says it all, right? We have our lives heading in one direction, and whoosh we are spinning around, and heading the opposite way. Most of the time we aren’t really certain what hit us.
Where Does the Time Go?
Holidays are over and 2019 is here. I hate to repeat myself, but where does the time go?
Last year was a great year for me. I put into perspective so many things that had gotten askew over the past years. I’m excited about 2019—new is always good!